Eurovision 2016

Eurovision is something that I knew existed, but didn't understand the national pride associated with it. It has been happening annually since 1956, and Europeans love it. Each country sends a performer/band to represent them in a huge pop song competition.  This contest was the launchpad for ABBA, Celine Dion, and Conchita Wurst. I am reading Alan Cummings' autobiography right now, and he tells a story about how he and Antonio Banderas spent most of their free time during the filming of Spy Kids playing Eurovision trivia, to the confusion of the American film crew.

This is over the top pageantry, and I can't get enough. Also, its only two competitions, rather than an entire season with boring eliminations (looking at you, The Voice). So band by band, here are my thoughts. AND JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE IS A GUEST PERFORMER???? Amazing! Links to the good songs are at the bottom.  

Belgium: What's the Pressure. Very fun with a good beat, although sampled from Another One Bites the Dust.  Not everyone can pull of silver lame hot pants.

Czech Rep:  Standing. She has a lovely voice, but the song is slow. She obviously wants to be Celine Dion when she grows up. 

Netherlands:  Slow Down Brother.  Billy Ray Cyrus is Dutch?  Who knew the Dutch liked country music?  Clogs are not cowboy boots. 

Azerbaijan: Miracle: a gold beaded bodysuit?  It has elements of the Trans-Siberian Orchestra with the electric strings and shooting flames and raining sparks behind the singer. I expect nothing less from Azerbaijan. 

Hungary: You Should Know  This singer wants to be Bruce Springsteen, complete with ripped jeans and scratchy voice. And there is a Japanese drummer onstage?  And 3 men whistling into the mikes and doing a modified pony step as the back-up dancers?  Its a good singalong chorus, though. 

Italy: Shining Through. Hmm, she is singing in Italian, and the background looks like a Pixar film.  Its another power ballad. 

Israel: Made of Stars: solid song, good chorus, hoop acrobatics, and again, raining sparks.

Bulgaria:  Love is not a Crime. Finally, another upbeat pop song with a good beat and fun chorus. And she's dressed like Tina Turners' character from Mad Max: Beyond Thunderdome meets Tron.  

Sweden: If I Were Sorry.  He is missing four other cute 20-somethings dancing behind him- this a perfect boy band song, but he's a single performer. And he needs to pick up Justin Guarini's trick of winking at the camera. 

Germany: Ghost. Another power ballad. The stage looks suspiciously like the Colby College 1996 production of Into the Woods, with metal trees everywhere, and her outfit would make Bjork proud- its a set of kitten ears made of bows. I applaud her for embracing it. 

France: Jai Cherere. He is singing in French and English, but its super upbeat and fun. And he knows how to work the camera and the audience. I really like this one- I hope it shows up in a discotheque near me soon. 

Poland: Color of your Life: This costume is Weird Al meets Michael Jackson. And its another slow ballad, but he is singing his heart out. 

Australia:  Sound of Silence: I wish my prom dress had looked like her dress. This lady has an amazing voice- its another slow song, but she is killing it. 

AND NOW ITS TIME FOR MINUS ONE FROM CYPRUS!!!!!!!!  They made it to the Finals, which is a big deal.  They are one of the only bands- most of Eurovision is composed of

single performers. I love this song- fun and danceable. And they did so well- Bravo Bravo for representing our little island. 

Serbia: Goodbye. There is a whole dominatrix/cage motif with this performance, and it's yet another power ballad. 

Lithuania: I've Been Waiting for this Night.  This guy is a pop star in his heart, and while this song isn't a dance hit, it could have radio-popularity. And his lighting designer made great choices to increase the viewing experience. 

Croatia:  There is a way. Wow, talk about Lady Gaga admiration. 

Russia: You are the Only One. I just have no words- its a green screen acid trip, and I love the performance. I don't know if I like the song, but I applaud the showmanship. 

Spain: Say Yea. Upbeat, lots of lalalas, and a good chorus. And she wore sneakers with a gold lame dress, which is awesome. 

Latvia: Heartbeat. Good song, drunk graphics designer and cameraman. And the singer wants to be George Michael, circa 1986. 

Ukraine: 1944. I am not sure what is happening- its like the angst of Twilight transcribed into a Eurovision performance. But good use of a wind machine to make her gothic sleeves flow. 

Malta: Walk on Water. Wow, two little Mediterranean islands which are former British colonies made it into the finals! It's a fun pop-y song.  And her outfit has stepped up the game from gold lame to gold rocks sewn directly onto the dress. 

Georgia: Midnight Gold. This song doesn't have a chorus, which is especially weird for a pop song; just verse after verse. Also, I am glad that I don't have epilepsy, b/c this flashing presentation would trigger a bunch of neural misfires. 

Austria: Loin D'ici. Is the cute Austrian girl singing in French? Or Italian?  It is not German.  It is confusing, but upbeat. 

UK: You're Not Alone.  This is a perfect cotton-candy radio song to sing along with whole driving with the windows down. This song has had a lot of buzz around it, and I now see why its the favorite to win this year. 

Armenia: Love Wave. Another power ballad. Is this a Eurovision performance or a burlesque performance?  But again, she is singing her heart out, and they just used a cool Matrix-esque effect. 

Here are the fun songs:
Bulgaria:  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yKsNfccUTuk
Cyprus:  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kQMSPkGoQrY
France:  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=boYQovCybYQ
Russia (for performance appreciation):  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RZkXb_IGS1g
UK:  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C5VvsLEd1TI